Narcissus Girl


12
She looked at the mirror. She saw a pretty little girl; big brown eyes, rosy cheeks, and beautiful curvy lips. She smiled at her. The little girl in the mirror smiled back. Then her mother came behind her and looked at the mirror too. “You are the prettiest little girl in the world, Darling.” She beamed. She knew that already.

15
She looked at the mirror. The pretty little girl had become a beautiful young lady. Fair skin, high cheekbones. Looking at the mirror had been her daily routine now. She checked herself in the mirror every time she got up and every time before she went to sleep and as many as possible in between. She even had her own small mirror that she brought in her schoolbag. She watched as she grew older and prettier. It was in her blood; however, she had a beautiful mother too. She touched her own self in the mirror and said, “You are the most beautiful girl in the world, Darling.” And she smiled to herself in the mirror.

17
She looked at the mirror. She examined herself carefully. She hated how one of her friend told her that she was “a little bit too plain”. She was mad. There was nothing plain about her. She was pretty. She was beautiful. Only the blinds would have said otherwise. She hated that there was someone who dared to challenge her with such statement. She would make them regret. She would make them realize that they were wrong, and she was not any plain. She was beautiful. She looked at the young lady in the mirror as she applied some mascara, eye liner, and lip gloss to her face. There. She was perfect now. She smiled. “You are still the most beautiful girl in the world, Darling. Nothing to worry about.”

23
She looked at the mirror. She looked at the perfectly drawn eyebrows, perfectly applied eye shadow and mascara, and the luscious dark red lips. She watched herself as she smiled triumphantly. She was still the most beautiful girl ever. Even though she needed more and more make ups everyday, it was worth it. She was at the peak of her beauty at the moment. No one dared to call her plain or ugly anymore. She was contented. She had proven to them that they were wrong. She looked at the smiling young lady in the mirror and said, “You see, Darling? You were, are, and will be the most beautiful girl ever.”

27
She looked at the mirror. Scared, she noticed that since a few months ago, she had had tiny wrinkles on the outer sides of her eyes. Oh my. She felt terrified. She felt ugly. She was frightened. She realized that she were 27 and kept growing older. Damn the time! She examined herself in the mirror. All she could focus on was the tiny wrinkles she had. She closed her eyes hatefully. What if other people noticed? What if they saw it and called her ugly? She didn’t want to be ugly. She wanted to be perfect. And she would do everything, anything, to make her wish come true. With trembling hands, she reached her powder container and tried to hide her wrinkles. “Calm down, Darling, calm down,” her voice was cracked, “you will still be the most beautiful woman everybody’s ever seen.”

30
She looked at the mirror. She beamed a smile. It seemed that her doctor had done his work perfectly. Oh no, she thought. It was not him that was perfect. It was her. Her. Anyway, she had been perfectly beautiful all her life. The doctor only revealed it to anyone. She touched her face and watched, amazed, that the perfect lady in the mirror also touched her face. “You see that, Mother? I am still the most beautiful girl ever.” She whispered to the emptiness of her room.

35
She looked at the mirror. She was very scared of what she had seen that she screamed. She screamed and screamed. How could it be? Those wrinkles had come back! And not only around her eyes, now they had appeared at the corners of her perfect mouth, too! She trembled a lot as she tried to peek between her fingers. She saw the ugly lady in the mirror looking at her. In useless attempt, she tried to hide the wrinkles using make up. They were still there. No! She covered her face. She hated looking at her ugly self in the mirror. She was not ugly! She was beautiful! She was the most beautiful woman ever. “That is right.” She was telling herself. “The mirror is wrong. It must be broken. I am still the most beautiful woman in the world.” Then she turned her back to the mirror. She would have it trashed the first time in the morning.

36
She looked at the mirror. Desperately, she saw that even the doctor couldn’t do anything more. She felt defeated. She felt cheated by time. She didn’t deserve this. Someone as beautiful as her didn’t deserve aging process. They had to make an exception for her! She observed the wrinkles around her eyes and lips; she noticed how her eyes now had slight dark bags under them. They were visible, even with all make up and injections and numerous surgeries her doctor had performed. Damn it! With raging emotion, she threw her make up bag, destroying the mirror. There. Now there would be no one who could see her imperfection anymore. With psychotic glint in her eyes, she smiled. “Now once again I have become the most beautiful woman in the world.” She nodded repetitively, trying to assure herself.

36
She looked at the mirror. The broken mirror. She had lost her hope. Everybody had seen her. They hadn’t called her ugly, but they would. She knew that they would. She frantically sought for a way out. She felt like an animal trapped in a cage. They must not see her in this condition! She had been perfect all the time. She had no idea how to be imperfect. She was scared. She looked at the bottle in her trembling hand. The only way out without making a mess with her perfect self. Oh yes, she was sure she was still perfect. She was only cheated by the time. But time couldn’t win. Not against her. This way, the time wouldn’t be able to touch her anymore. She would be perfect forever. She would be the most beautiful girl everybody’s ever seen forever. She looked at the broken mirror. She could see the beautiful woman smiling, giving her courage. “Forever,” she said, opening the bottle and reaching for the pills, “now I will be the most beautiful woman in the world forever.”

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