March 26, 2012
We were lying naked on the bed, staring at the ceiling. I stayed still. For a minute or two, we didn’t speak at all. Then I turned my head to him.
“Marry me,” he repeated.
“Without love?” I finally spoke.
He didn’t answer. When he opened his mouth, as about to speak, I stopped him.
“Don’t – “ I said, “don’t say anything you may regret.” I got up and walked to the bathroom.
“I appreciate your proposal, I really do. In fact, I just need some time to think. Give me a week, okay?” I smiled at him and left him there.
January 24, 2012
“May I ask you to be my friend with benefits?”
I looked at him, and then burst out laughing. “Sorry,” I said, “I just can’t help it,”
He smiled. “So?”
“So, you’re the most honest guy I’ve ever met,” I smiled, widely.
“Well,” he shrugged.
“Why?” I grinned and added, “I’m just curious,”
“Because I like you, I like your honesty, and your openness, and I really enjoy our chats.”
“But you’re not ready yet for a relationship?” I asked.
“But I’m not ready yet for a relationship.” He nodded.
After a moment, he added, “I’m not the type of guy who will say I love you to get you into my bed, and leave right after the moment without saying goodbye. I will say the truth, and I won’t say good things only because you want to hear it. I will probably hurt you, but isn’t the truth worth it?”
I paused a moment. “Then yes,” I breathed.
January 31, 2012
I was lying in his arms, he pulled me closer.
He kissed my eyebrow and whispered in my ears, “It was great,”
“It was just sex,” I breathed.
“It’s still great.”
I smiled. I rested my head on my elbow and looked down to him. “And it’s still just sex.”
He said nothing, but he tugged me in and kissed my forehead. “You’re never gonna let anyone win over an argument with you, are you?” I felt him smiled. I laughed.
“Sleep well now, Sweetheart. Good night.”
“Night,” I mumbled, snuggled closer to him.
And he never left.
February 14, 2012
“Hey,” I smiled while opening the door.
“Hi,” he returned the smile.
He was there, standing all alone in my front door, bringing me a single stalk of red rose.
“For you,” he handed it to me and shrugged, “It’s February 14.”
I was touched. “February 14 is only supposed to be celebrated by couples. Real couples.”
“Yeah,” he admitted, “but we’re friends of benefits, and that is one of the benefits of being my friend.” He winked.
I couldn’t help myself but smile. “I’ve got a box of chocolate in my fridge. Want some?”
February 20, 2012
“Hello,” he sounded sleepy. Of course; it was 3 a.m. in the morning.
“Hey,” I hardly spoke.
“Is something wrong?” I heard concern in his voice.
“Yes,” my voice cracked.
“Okay, Sweetheart. You’re with me now. Everything’s gonna be alright. I know it. You’ll make it through…. I’ll be there with you, anytime and anywhere.” And with that, I burst into tears. Why did it feel like I couldn’t hide anything from him? Why was it like I could be totally open with him, I could open up and show him all my evil sides, yet I would still feel comfortable being with him afterwards?
After ten minutes full of tears and sobs, he asked, “Do you need me there?”
I smiled. “No, thanks. You’ve already made me feel better.”
“You sure?” and after a few moments, he added, “You know, that’s what friends are for,”
“Definitely.” I smiled, and I swore I could feel him smile too on the other side of the phone.
“Ok then. Have a good sleep, Dear. I’ll see you the first time in the morning.”
And I slept peacefully that night.
March 31, 2012
I saw him approached me from a distance. He saw me too. He looked somehow nervous.
“Hey,” I smiled at him.
He looked into my eyes, his eyes searching.
“I – “ I started, only to be interrupted by him.
“No, don’t say anything yet. Let me say something first. Please.”
He inhaled deeply, and then blurted out. “I love you.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“I love you. It’s as simple as that.”
I was so stunned I couldn’t say anything.
Then he continued. “I have been thinking all this week, about us, about my proposal, and everything that has happened between us. I thought about what your answer would be; would you say yes or no to my cheap proposal last week. I was so scared. And I am still scared. At first, I thought I was afraid of being rejected, that you would hurt my pride. Then I thought maybe I was scared of being alone again. But in the end, I found that what scares me the most is to leave you. The thought of leaving you scares the shit out of me.”
He stopped abruptly and inhaled a long breath. I was stunned and speechless.
Then he continued, “I’m in love with you. I’m in love with the way you smile. I’m in love with the way you laugh. I’m in love with the way you breathe when you sleep. I’m in love with the way you tilt your head while you’re thinking. I’m in love with everything about you. The fuck with all other things. I’m in love with the way you make me feel, because for me, you feel like home.”
It was quiet for a while. I stare at him dumbly, and he kept looking into my now teary eyes. Finally I blinked, “Are you sure?”
He chuckled, then knelt down on one knee.
“I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life, until this time. Jane Doe, will you please marry me and make me the happiest man alive?”
The simple gold ring was beautiful, but what made it perfect were his honest eyes and his boyish smile, all shining with love and hope.
Slowly but sure, a smile formed on my lips.
“Did you know that I snore? And did you know that I know nothing about cooking? And of course I love kids, but it doesn’t make me a good parent.” I teased him. “Are you still sure?”
He laughed. “You know, Darling, when we’re in love with someone, all his or her imperfection is still there, but you know what; we don’t give a shit about it. We don’t need any reason about why and how. Not because love is blind, but because we simply don’t care. Because somehow, that someone completes us perfectly, and we can still be happy with all those imperfection. We simply see through them, and we find something precious among the bad things, something that, somehow, makes us comfortable for just being who we are. Isn’t that enough?”
And like all the times before, I tried and tried to find any logical reason to counter your arguments, but in the end, would that matter? Because what mattered the most was that we could still be happy without those logical thinking.
I paused a moment. “Then yes,” I breathed.
I looked down to the simple gold band that had been on my finger for years now and smiled, because once again you proved yourself right; you were still the best thing that has ever happened to me.