Several lessons I learned in 2015.
Age doesn’t define maturity. For me, this means two things:
- We cannot expect everyone to always act their age. Some people may act more mature/immature compared to their age, and it is okay because age doesn’t define maturity. We shall accept this and if we can’t, simply walk away and find other group of society to mingle.
- There is no age limitation for maturity. One can be young but mature or old but immature. Therefore, we should not underestimate/overestimate someone just because of his/her age. Respect everyone equally; do not rush to judge before we really know them in person.
I don’t have to care about what everyone said. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion, but it doesn’t mean that all opinion should matter to us.
People may talk, and they will always talk, about everything; but it is up to us how to respond to these things. We should pick whose opinion we should take into consideration, and whose opinion we shouldn’t. I decide to only care about the opinions of people who matter to me. If they don’t matter to me, then their opinion aren’t supposed to matter to me, too.
“The unhappiest people in this world, are those who care the most about what other people think.”
–C. Joybell C.
Reasons and explanations are not excuses. People can do anything they want and they can provide you with reasons and explanations about why they did what they did and why you have to understand—but that doesn’t justify their acts.
Reasons and explanations are only to help us understand or sympathize with others. The thing is, understanding doesn’t mean accepting and/or agreeing. Some people can be shit to others and have good reasons for it, but that’s not an excuse for being shit and that doesn’t mean that they (and what they did) were right.
It is okay not to be okay about things people did to you.
It is okay not to accept apology from people. It is okay to not forget about what people have done to you. In the end, if you decide to forgive them and move on, it doesn’t always because they deserve it, but because you love yourself enough to remove the hatred from your life.
Being observant is nothing without the capability of analyzing.
I used to believe in Santa. When I was a kid, there was a family tradition where we would get presents from Santa each year. Then, when I grew up and finally knew that Santa wasn’t real, I was heartbroken. I know I should have noticed, but in fact, it had never occurred to me as to why Santa’s face was different each year, or how he got into our house and put presents even though it had no chimney. Now that I think about it, perhaps there was a part of me that wanted to believe that Santa was real—that’s why I never wanted to stay awake until morning to catch Santa, or how I never confronted my parents even though my friends had said that Santa wasn’t real.
As children, we were able to observe, but not always able to connect the dots and make conclusions. As adults, we are able to observe, but not always WANT to connect the dots and make conclusions.
We see, but we don’t always want to look. We hear, but we don’t always want to listen. We know, but we don’t always want to understand. Sometimes we just choose to be ignorant.
We’ve been told that ignorance is blissful; hence we choose to ignore several things because we want Santa to remain real. Believing in Santa might keep us happy and hopeful, but there’s a fine line between hope and reality.
We cannot keep living in a dream. Ignorance isn’t always a bliss.
Everyone has his/her own pre-existing knowledge, personal experiences, and perceptive—that’s why when we communicate, we use different “language”, because there are no two persons who have exactly the same point of view. That’s why there are lots of misunderstandings and miscommunications, because when we communicate with others, we unconsciously assume that they see things the way we see them.
The thing is, what we mean and what others understand might be different. It is sad to see people hate each other because of this, and it is sad to see people who don’t want to accept that people’s perceptive can be different and it is okay because that’s just the way it is.
Instead of trying to change others’ perspective to fit ours (because in most cases, everyone selfishly wants to change the others and doesn’t want to change him/herself), we can learn how to communicate effectively, how to be on the same “frequency”, and save a lot of relationships.
“Time most wasted is time spent trying to change others into what they are not.”
I’ve written earlier that “be yourself” isn’t enough—we have to “be the best version of ourselves” instead. In order to be the best version of us, we must know ourselves really well, including our good and bad sides.
To explore these things, we have to be able to “distance ourselves from ourselves”—meaning we have to be able to see ourselves from a third person’s POV. We have to be able to observe and judge ourselves objectively, and minimize the double standard. We should see and judge ourselves the way we see others, and vice versa: we should see and judge others the way we see ourselves—hence the application of the Golden Rule.
Here’s my Moment(s) of Clarity.
Since “an extraordinary claim requires extraordinary proof” (Marcello Truzzi),
then “an extraordinary dream requires extraordinary effort”.
“Don’t be upset by the results you didn’t get with the work you didn’t do.”